NASCAR’s Biggest Fan - Ron Ripple

 

This everyone is Stephanie Marie Fa-Fa-Fa-Farris.  (Sorry she makes me stutter)  Surprisingly enough I didn’t meet Stephanie out on the track, or in a bar… I actually met Stephanie at her place of employment… yep… the hospital.  There’s a long story as to how I ended up in the hospital so we won’t go there, but there’s a VERY good reason why I stayed in the hospital so long… her name is Stephanie Marie Farris.  The first time I laid eyes on Stephanie, I thought I had died and gone to heaven (literally) but then I realized I was just in a really bad accident and she was really my nurse.  Stephanie is a great girl but she does have ONE negative attribute… her favorite driver is Jeff Gordon.   Here’s a little bit more information about Stephanie….

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Marianna Sherman…whoaaaa boy! Marianna is a beautiful girl I met one day drinking a few beers at Hooters.  She was our waitress for the night and interestingly enough she told me I had to be one of the most “interesting looking rednecks” she’s ever seen.  Of course I take that as a compliment because girls tell me that all the time… so I asked her out on a date, and as of right now I’m still waiting.  Either she gave me the wrong number or she just needs to turn her phone back on… I’m still confused.  But anyway… here’s a little bit about her and why she loves NASCAR so much!

Name: Marianna Sherman

Age: 21

School or Occupation: hooter girl, I attend GA perimeter for nursing.

Hometown: Lithuania. ( Former USSR)

Favorite NASCAR racer: Jeff Gordon

What’s your favorite track? Daytona 500

What’s your favorite part about NASCAR? The accidents as long as no one gets hurt!

What’s the fastest you’ve ever been in a car? 115 mph. I was driving back from Panama City and got a ticket!

What are your hobbies? Sleeping, eating, going out with my girls, shopping, and driving fast!

Favorite Drink: vodka pineapple.

What is the worst pick up line a guy has ever used on you? “Did it hurt?” I said what? And he said “when you fell from the sky, because you’re an angel!”

What do you look for in a guy? Motivated, confident, tall, good looking because that’s what attracts me at first and then his personality is usually what keeps me around!

What is a turn off? Lack of confidence, immature.

Are you a fan of my mullet? Mullets are sexy…only on you tho!

Are you single? Happily taken

Where can we find you? www.myspace.com/mypuppysnameistequila

   

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This weekend the boys will be hitting the Pocono track and boy am I excited.  I didn’t post much this week because frankly I was tired of everyone talking about the tire issues NASCAR dealt with last weekend.

Just my .02 cents… NASCAR needs to start testing tires there for next year otherwise we’re going to run into this issue year after year.  Ryan Newman seems to be the only one voicing his opinion which as you all know I love.  Maybe he’s starting to speak out because he’s going to be one of Stewart’s boys next year.

Anyway… Pocono is always a blast of a race to watch.  It’s a funky triangular shaped track that makes for great racing.  I think there’s going to be a lot of competitive racing here especially with us getting so close to the final 12 races.

Who are my picks for this weekend?  I think there’s going to be a lot of top contenders out there especially since we saw a few guys from the Hendrick team out in front last weekend.  I have a feeling it’s going to be a couple guys out there dominating… Kyle Busch of course… Jeff Gordon again this weekend (He always seems to do well here)… and I think we may see Carl Edwards back up there in the front.

Carl Edwards has been impressing me with his intense driving on the course even though he has that “nice guy” attitude off the course.  He’s been showing the world that not all “nice guys finish last.”  One thing is for sure… he’s gonna have to show Kyle Busch this is true because if he’s wrong… Kyle Busch (cocky guy) is going to finish first.

Great racing to come… I look forward to discussing this race with you all on Monday.  Make sure you guys drink a bunch of beer this weekend because POCONOOOO… HERE WE COMMEEEE!

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The Allstate 400 was an interesting race to say the least… it came down to who had the fastest pit times and who could keep their tires from exploding. 

NASCAR delt with a tough situation this past Sunday and took the race into their own hands.  I think they did a great job by preventing further wrecks from taking place and I’m glad to see they were taking this seriously.  NASCAR officials implemented scheduled cautions that required teams to come in and make adjustments and tire changes.  As much as I love to see racers race, I don’t like to see teams race their ass off and have a tire explode and blow their chances. 

From the start of the race it looked like it was going to be a Hendrick Motorsports race from start to finish.  Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon were driving around the track as if they had about 1,000 extra horse power.  In some of the scheduled pit stops they would come out 4th or 5th and immediately make their way back to the front.  They had a lot of great team work and were extremely dominate for most of the race.

Another driver that impressed me was Carl Edwards.  Carl Edwards has been a competitive driver this year and has shown the world he’s a contender.  This weekend he ran extremely strong and had one of the fastest cars of the day.  I thought he almost had it after the last pit stop… but like I said before… Jimmie Johnson was strong and held him off. 

This was a tough weekend for NASCAR officials and for the crews.  The tires only lasted about 7 laps before you saw cord and to run a race where every 7 laps you needed a new set of tires, isn’t really racing.  Obviously the racers are watching what they say about Goodyear, especially since Tony Stewart created drama at the beginning of the year.  But Goodyear needs to start testing tires at Indy considering they run into this problem every single year. 

I must applaud the teams and NASCAR for turning the situation into a positive.  Every single team owner they interviewed said positive things about the actions NASCAR was taking and didn’t place any blame on Goodyear.  I thought what Joe Gibbs said was perfect “every team is going through this so not one team is at an advantage.”

It was just another day of racing and another race closer to the Sprint Cup Championship.

P.S. Look out for our “Girl of the Week” later today.

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As much as I call Jeff Gordon out for being a wine drinker… I figured I could help change my own feelings about him by converting him into a beer drinker.

Jeff Gordon is an incredible racer and is one of the best NASCAR driver’s that ever lived.  He’s married to an absolutely gorgeous wife, Ingrid Vandebosch, and has an absolutely beautiful little daughter.  The guy is defintiely living the life but for some odd reason I just can’t get over the fact that the guy is a wine drinker and won’t convert himself over to beer.

If you walk into a NASCAR event and walk up to the concession stands you’re not going to find any wine… it’s strictly beer.  Going into the in-field where the fans are, you see nothing but keg stands and beer funnels.  I can guarantee you, not one person will be doing a wine stand or wine funnel.  It’s just not the way us NASCAR fans live.

This 7 step program is written to Jeff Gordon.

I’ve created “Ron Ripple’s 7 step program of converting YOU (Jeff Gordon)… into a beer drinker.”  When I’m done with you Jeff, you’re not only going to be drinking beer, but you’ll also be drinking beer with cheese.  haha!

 Ok here we go….

Step 1: Buy a few cases of different beer!

The world is filled with a ton of different brands of beer.  You’ve got Budwieser, Miller, Natural Light, Millwaukee’s Best, and of course you’ve got the snobs who drink Corona Light, Amstel, and the list goes on.  The point of buying multiple cases of beer is everyone has their own flavor and you don’t want to get the wrong impression of beer just because you don’t like one! It’s not true that you try one you’ve tried em all.

Step 2: Find the Beer you dislike the least and buy a keg of it!

The point of buying a keg is that we’re going to be taste testing and I’ll be teaching you the different techniques that will help you “Acquire” the taste of beer. (I reckon I was born with the acquired taste, it’s unfortunate you weren’t)

Step 3: Study the Keg… become one with the keg!

Jeff… this is a very important part about “learning to love beer.”  You first have to sit with the keg and understand its fundamentals and functionality of it. You must be one with the beer… and when I say this I really mean SIT with the beer.  Enjoy it’s company… start a relationship with the beer, talk to it, go deep Jeff.  You want to form the type of relationship where you miss it even making a trip to the little boys room.

Jeff Taking Step 3 very seriously!

Step 4: Do your first Keg Stand!

Grab your wife and kids and have them hold your feet above the keg while you do a hand stand.  Place the spout in your mouth and count in “mississippi seconds” until your little frame can’t take any more… the longer the better. I currently hold the NASCAR Fan record for most time.. Back in 99 I was able to take a keg stand while Jeff and the rest of the racers ran 9 laps during the Daytona 500.  Nobody has beat the record to this day!

This step is important because by now you already have a buzz and the taste is starting to get better.  Jeff, I know this is a buzz you’re not used too, but just remember you won’t have the so called “wine headache” in the morning.

Step 5: Funnel a beer!

This sounds very easy and it actually is.  Mr. Gordon… I’ve mailed you your first beer funnel so now is the time to use it.  No… it wasn’t meant to siphon gas… it’s meant to get you to the next level!  I know you’re not used to drinking quickly especially when you’re sipping on wine, but this is a crowd pleaser and helps you get accepted by peers. (I’ll accept you)

Side note: Driving a NASCAR isn’t the only way to get people out of their seats, the more beer you funnel… the more fans you’ll have and the louder the chant.  Another positive spin  is the effect it has on your vision… women look more attractive. Obviously you don’t have to worry about that considering you’re married to a super model, but it sure as hell helps me out.

 

Jeff finally acquiring the taste!

 

Step 6: Now that you’ve somewhat acquired the taste… invite friends over for a game of beer pong!

Jeff… you probably don’t know what beer pong is so let me explain it to you.  Beer pong is a game where “skilled beer drinkers” compete with each other by setting up about 15 cups filled half full of beer half way on each side of a ping pong table.  You then pick a partner and hope for the best… try to pick a partner who is the least drunk because the object of the game is to  aim for the cups and sink as many ping pong balls as you can.

You’re probably a little overwhelmed right now because you’re pretty drunk but aren’t you having more fun with your friends than usual? Sit back and take this in… it’s a new lifestyle.

Step 7: Continue drinking till you pass out… you’ll sleep a lot better!

Mr Gordon, this is the last and final step that can not be forgotten.  It’s quite simple I reckon, just continue drinking until you pass out.  This step takes a long time for someone like me who has been drinking beer all my life… but for you, I can guarantee you’ll probably pass out around 9:00 PM if you started at 7:00 pm.

You’ll be amazed with the quality sleep and the amount of sleep you get when passing out after drinking. No interruptions, the dog barking won’t faze you, the wife nagging will be automatically ignored… it’s just the best sleep you’ll ever get. Nighty Night Jeff.

Conclusion

Jeff I hope you take my 7 steps seriously and give it a try. If you need a few drinking partners feel free to email me. I really think you’re a great racer and I want to see you out there with the boys drinking beer instead of wine. Leave the wine to who it’s made for… the women!  I’ve heard it from a number of the different drivers the reason why they don’t invite you out for a beer… it’s simply because they think the wine drinking is too girly.

Image is everything.

E-mail me back when you get a chance… I want to know your thoughts.

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This weekend we’re heading down to Sonoma for an incredible road course with turn after turn after turn and I cannot wait.  This is going to be an awesome race to watch, and as much as I love to see these guys turn left, it’s going to be incredibly fascinating to see them turn right.  I mean… do these cars even turn right?  We’ll just have to wait and see. 

Wow… Did they seriously just take a right turn?

Sonoma is a track where road course racers are supposed to stand out and show the world what they’re all about.  Many times a team owner hires a road racer to come out here and show the world what they’ve got and in the end make a fool of themselves by getting owned by the true NASCAR racers themselves.  The statistics show (Nascar.com) only 1.5% of hired guns actually finish top 5 at the end of the day and usually get shown up by the true NASCAR (left turn only) racers. 

I love watching road courses and i’m glad NASCAR has a few on the schedule.  This course has a lot of history behind it and a lot of drivers really enjoy it.  Jeff Gordon is one of the guys to beat this weekend with having won 5 out of the last 10 starts here.  He hasn’t been dominating much this year but he’s been in the shadows and this could be the race that lights the fire underneath his panties. 

Another racer who has done well here is Juan Montoya.  This is his kind of course and he’ll be going out there trying to defend his title.  Juan won this race last year by basically driving by ever single car in the field.  He started in the 32nd position last year and is the first driver to win the race having started further back than 13th position.  I’m not a big Montoya fan but I think he’s going to be a driver to watch out for.  He obviously knows this course and knows how to pass… (Craig you better call your boy and tell him to step up his game because he’s going to make me look bad if he doesn’t)

Of course there is going to be a lot of hype behind other racers such as Tony Stewart, Boris Said, Terry Labonte, and many more due to the fact that they are great road racers.  But I think the guys that will need to shine and make a solid finish are those focused on making the top 12 for the chase at the end of the year…  Matt Kenseth, Ryan Newman, Brian Vickers, Clint Boyer, Martin Truex Jr.

Of course an article on Ron Ripple wouldn’t be an article without mentioning Kyle Busch.  For once I have to say Kyle Busch is making a great decision and has decided not to race the Nationwide Series race this weekend in Milwaukee.  Sonoma is a tough course and takes a toll on these racers especially if they’re not in their prime come race day.  There are a couple racers who have decided to race both and those are David Reutimann, Clint Boyer, and Carl Edwards.  All are great racers and have a chance at Sonoma but I think racing both races is going to be a mistake. 

Who do you think will take home the trophy this weekend?  Is it me or are you excited about the road course as well?  Boy do I love NASCAR….

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 This past Saturday’s race was an interesting race to say the least.  In my previous post I stated it was going to be one hell-uv-a showdown with some aggressive driving and some crazy personalities.  Unfortunately it was none of this… It was a fun race to watch because it was unknown as to who was going to be the victor, but it definitely wasn’t a showdown like I was expecting. From the very beginning, Kyle Busch shot out and dominated the race by almost a quarter of a lap, until the second segment when his motor blew up.  (Obviously the Gibbs team tested the Toyota package they had from the beginning of the year because almost everyone on the team blew a motor.)  But Kyle Busch did some serious domination with Carl Edwards not far behind him.  The first two segments weren’t all that exciting with most of the battling taking place in the 12th and 13th positions.  Once Kyle Busch’s motor blew up at the end of the second segment, it looked like it was going to be a Carl Edwards race since he had the fastest car on the track.

 I was comletely taken back when the third segment started and Carl Edwards lost four positions in the first couple laps.  It looked as if making no changes to his car in between segments was not such a good idea.  The third segment was dominated by Biffle, with a number of different drivers working their way up to the front.  Ryan Newman, Matt Kenseth, and Dale Earnahrdt Jr. were a number of racers that were working their asses off to get to the front.  All were running strong but it seemed as though none of them had enough because in each segment there was only ONE car that led most of the laps.

 The Fourth Segment was where all the hard work and strategy paid off.  In between the third and fourth segment, the teams had a decision to make.  “Take two tires, take four tires, or don’t take any tires at all.”  There were a few drivers that took “No tires’ and these driver’s ended up on top.  Jimmie Johnson and Kasey Kahne were two of those drivers that decided to take no tires and these guys came out of the pits the fastest.  Greg Biffle, who was the fastest car for a majority of the race decided to take two tires and I can guarantee he’s regretting it now.  Kasey Kahne who was the “Fan Vote” jumped up to the front position and was tough to get around.  Greg Biffle who took the two tires was on his tail the whole segment and admitted he only had once chance to pass and couldn’t take advantage of it.

I think it’s huge a driver who wasn’t even supposed to be in the race took home $1,000,000.  The fans wanted to see him race and boy did he give them a show.  He passed a ton of cars to make it to the top 10 and when it came down to making a decision about tires, he made the right one and that’s all that counts.  He didn’t crawl his way up to the front and techinically “EARN” the #1 position, but his team made the right decision and they took advantage of it.  Kasey Kahne won the race and took home the money.  Congratulations to him!

Even though I’m a huge Tony Stewart fan, I was really hoping for a Dale Earnhardt Jr win.  He was in the top 5 throughout the whole race and looked like he was going to be a player at the end.   I guess the Hendrick Motorsports team just had nothing for them at this race.  I was extremely disappointed with Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson… two racers that were supposed to OWN this track.  The only reason why Jimmie Johnson was in the top 5 was because he took no tires. 

 Overall I have to admit it wasn’t the most aggressive driving or exciting race I’ve ever seen.  There were no wrecks, no bumping, no fighting, and no drama.  This was supposed to be a race where the driver’s would let their hair down and do things out of character.  It was almost as if they were all being gentlemen!  I was shocked!

 What do you think about the race?  Obviously nobody won the contest from my previous post because Kasey Kahne was voted in last minute.  But look for a new contest maybe for the 600.  I like to see who people vote for.

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Wow… Carl Edwards is kicking ass and taking names.  Three wins already this year is pretty ridiculous if you ask me considering it’s only been seven races of the season.  Carl Edwards held off Jimmie Johnson during the restart this past Sunday and prevented the Hendrick Motorsports team from getting into victory lane yet once again. 

The Samsung 500 was an eventful race to say the least.  Gordon battled an ill handling car which resulted in slamming into turn four on lap 109.  Dale Earnhardt Jr who sat on the pole also dealt with an ill handling car which caused him to to finish 12th and a lap down.  Kyle Busch battled it out throughout the whole race and ended up finishing third.  Clint Boyer and Denny Hamlin made contact with each other on the last lap which caused Boyer to hit the wall but still gave him a 10th place finish.

 Of course a Sprint Cup Race wouldn’t be a race without some sort of penalty.  Ryan Newman who finished fourth failed the post race inspection due to the right rear of his car being too high.  As usual the crew cheif was fined $25,000 and the team and owner has been penalized 25 points.  It just seems to me like this year is the year for penalties.  I don’t know if it’s the new COT’s or if these guys are just pushing the limits.

What has been your favorite race to watch this year?  I thought this one was pretty enjoyable.

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Who’s your pick to win the Martinsville race? I don’t know about you, but it feels like years since the last race even though it’s only been two weeks. I’m ready for a short course race and Martinsville couldn’t have come at a better time. Martinsville is home of the 1/2 mile oval track, 60 degree weather and 65,000+ fans. To me it sounds like a perfect time for a beer loaded tailgate pre-race party in the parking lot . I wish I could make it!

This weekend I’m going pick either Tony Stewart or Jimmie Johnson for the checkered flag. Both are very good on Short Courses and both need a win. Tony Stewart is duethis year and has been in the hunt for most of this year’s races. Recently he’s had more off the course publicity with his crazy tirades such as the sucker punch in Daytona, his personal opinion about Goodyear Tires, and his recent trimming of his mullet. Obviously I can’t talk smack about a mullet just look at mine, but his was getting a little shaggy.

My other pick for the weekend is Jimmie Johnson. You’d be crazy not to pick him as a top contender considering he’s won three straight Cup races at Martinsville. Jimmie Johnson is due for a win this year and it couldn’t have come at a better time since this is “his” track. I’d say Jimmie Johnson OWNS this track and needs to DEFEND his title. As you’ve read in my previous articles, the Hendrick camp needs a win and now is their chance. The pansy wine drinking Jeff Gordon, defending champion Jimmie Johnson, and AMP’d up Dale Earnhardt Jr are all great short track racers and all desperately need a win.

As usual I’m not going to count Kyle Busch out… He’s definitely one of my favorites this year. Since the season started he hands down been dominating all of NASCAR’s series. But let me know who your picks are. I’m curious to see who everyone’s favorites are.

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Congratulations to Carl Edwards for fending off Mr. Gordon and Mr. Johnson who were absolutely dominating yesterday’s race before the rain delay.  I am beyond impressed with the way the race finished today.  You have Carl Edwards who stepped up his “A” game today to beat the three guys who to me seemed unstoppable yesterday.  Jeff Gordon finsihed in second place with Jimmie Johnson riding on his coat tails.  The one driver we need to keep our eye on throughout the season is Kyle Busch.  He is officially leading the points after today’s race with a third place finish in Daytona and a fouth place finish in today’s Auto Club 500.

So Carl Edwards did an incredible job today driving by basically everyone who got in his way.  He does admit though he was very fortunate to get by Jimmie Johson and claims that it was more like a drag race today than a NASCAR race.  Overall big ups to my boy Carl Edwards…. That’s one guy who can’t claim to have a case of the Mondays.  I also have to give him credit for not breaking his neck on his successful back flip after the race.  Do you think he practices?  Does he get out of his car after each practice and attempts a back flip?

Anyway…. about that Rain Delay!  NASCAR needs to have a better strategy the next time they decide to keep letting the guys get back on the track.  It was more like a ’slip and slide’ last night than a race track.  In my opinion they should have realized they were losing more cars to crashes then they were getting around the track.  I think next time if the track is that saturated with water and the weather doesn’t look any better then they need to make an executive decision.  But enough about my personal opinion about the matter… It’s not like I wasted my whole evening staying up watching the Simpsons. 

What do you think about the rain delay?  Do you think the 24 or 48 car could have been stopped if the race would have gone off without a hitch last night? 

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